St. Alphonzo's Pancake Breakfast

Internet Facts, From a Cereal Box

For some reason the makers of Shur-Fine raisin bran (as in “Want some generic, over-sweetened raisin bran? Shur, fine”) decided it would be a good idea to explain “The Internet and How It Works” on the back of the cereal box. Presumably, as the fiber-to-sugar ratio approaches some critical point, cartoon animals doing mazes and word searches are phased out for bona-fide educational material.

Here are some things I learned (all are exact quotes):

• There is no speed limit on the Internet Highway. You can travel as fast as your Internet Service Provider (ISP) allows.
• Your ISP will assign you a unique Internet Protocol (IP) that makes your computer compatible to all other World Wide Web (www) servers.
• Your personal computer (PC) is the perfect vehicle for cruising the Internet Highway.
• Electronic mail (e-mail) is the quickest, most efficient way to communicate over the Internet.
• A fun way to liven up a casual e-mail is through the use of emoticons. These keyboard symbols can help to visually emphasize particular thoughts or emotions.

There is also a picture of a family looking at pictures of koalas on what looks like OS 9, while the computer gives off an eerie green glow and is attached to a highway, which passes through a hula-hoop labelled ISP. In the background, ones and zeroes form a mesmerizing spiral.